Ex-Boyfriends Car No More

I no longer drive what I like to consider my ex's car. I know drive mine!!!
Its a 2009 Chevrolet HHR SS Turbocharged. It is BLUE!!! 260 HP
The only downside is that it takes premium gas.

I saw you today

Today while at church I saw you and him together. You looked so happy. I wanted to come say hi. But I didn't want things to be awkward for him. Especially I didn't want that for you. You sat 2 rows directly behind me. I don't know if you noticed if I was there or not.

Today was the first time I've cried a lot in a long time.

-Bastian

It

It really doesn't bother me anymore. What you may ask? The fact that you don't care about me? The fact that you ignore me? The fact that you are fake? The fact that you say your my friend but your really not? Or is it the fact that you think these posts are all about you but really just about no one at all? Whatever it is. I don't care. So be dramatic. Be a jerk. Act like your better than me when you really arn't. But yet again... This is about no one. If you are reading this. You are just paranoid if you think this is about you. Because its really about no one. Its the fact that I've been drinking and that no matter how people treat me anymore; I just don't care. So do your worse. I'm ready for the end. And nothing you say or do will affect where we fall or rise in the end. I know where I am going.

Do you?

The fact is... You will never know what all this means. Because like me; you are lost. You think you are self righteous. You think you are selfless. When in fact you are just as selfish as I. Yet I really don't exist. Because all this is; is a voice in an innocent boy's head. My name is Sebastian. This one you call Heath is no longer in control. I am here to stay. Pleased to meet you. I'm sure the feeling are not felt the same. I hope that we will get along... For all your sakes.

So it was foretold

-Bastian

I thought...

That it was going to be awesome. But its not. Everyone is just more distant than before. And I feel more left out than before also.

Oh well.

-Bastian

Get into my head.

Yes I am selfish. I like to think about me. I like to do things that make me happy. Doesn't everyone want to be happy? No matter what you say; in the end; it's all about you. There is nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. I care about my friends. I try to make them happy. But I have to make myself happy first. If that is being selfish then there is nothing I can do for you. I'm not going to say im sorry for thinking of myself first for once. Forever I always try to make everyone else happy over myself. And as much as I try it is never enough. NEVER!!! So I am done trying to put people ahead of myself. I am going to put myself first. Get over it. Life is just too hard as it is. I'm tired of being sad or depressed over people being upset because I do something for me. I have enough issues with that as it is so I am just going to make it easy. So care or not. I don't!

So it was fortold

-Bastian

Oh yes it's here

Day 13

Inventory is the last weekend in September. I'm only to bin 009. Yet
there is a long road left to travel. I might have to put in overtime
on this. The laptop is geared and ready for renevating upstairs. What
a mess that's going to be. Where is all the time?

Today is crazy doctor day. We recap on the last three months and talk
about things I should be doing. She might start putting me back on
medication. We will see.

I feel like going out. I can't afford it though. So I will just watch
tv instead.

So it was fortold

-Bastian

Do you ever?

Do you ever feel like just running away and not looking back? I have felt like that a lot lately. I don't think I would be missed to much.

-Bastian

Breakfast of champions

WTF

MUHAHAHAHAHA